An Awful Castle full of Terrible People

Castle Ingwoe

A recently rebuilt keep held by the terrible Lord Ingwoe and his Three Knights. From this keep, he has harrowed the people of the nearby villages for the past three years, extorting and terrorizing them on his mad whims. The Castle itself is said to be terribly haunted.

Exploring the Castle

The Castle has 7 rooms, 4 on the first floor and 3 on the second, along with 2 towers. In addition, it has a 5 foot wall (though it used to be larger) around itself, as well as an outhouse and what was once a garden. The whole inner courtyard has been choked with weeds and noxious plants.

The top floor of the castle was rebuilt recently, and the western tower is an entirely new addition. The lower floor has been plastered the same as the upper floor, but mold and moss visibly infest the former. The eastern tower, however, is the worst offender. It sags and weeps slime in humid weather, but cracks and crumbles when it is dry.

The lower floor contains a dining hall, kitchen, storage space, and servant quarters. The upper floor contains the bedroom, armory, and a spare room. There is a spiral stairwell from the storage space to the armory. The armory also connects to both towers, which have little interior space and are mostly stairs. The western tower has a battlement, while the eastern tower has an upper room. Both of the towers, as well as the upper floor, are outfitted with arrow slits.

Lord Ingwoe

He is an imposing man, but he is haggard and mad, with stringy, balding hair and a solid build. He wears gleaming white armor while about his claimed territory, and rides a white horse. His sword is dark and notched. His eyes are wide and bloodshot, with deep bags. He carries a banner with pelican displayed on a field sable.

He is tormented at all times by the ghost of his wife, murdered by him soon after he took control of the castle. She is hardly sentient, and can hardly be seen by any others. She normally acts docile and subtly malign. However, when he is in combat, she delights in giving him small, painful wounds on his ankles and scalp, causing blood to run over his face. If he is knocked to the ground, she will try to gouge out his eyes and cut off his ears.

Despite his haunting, he is filled with ambition and bloodlust. He wishes, above all, to increase his realm. He is highly paranoid. If PCs try to join him, he will accept them. They will be allowed to stay in his castle for 1d6 weeks. After this time, he will poison them unless they have shown complete supplication.

The Three Knights

Sir Alken, Sir Corten, and Sir Lied are the sadistic, cowardly knights of Ingvoe. Sir Alken is known for being fair of face. He once flayed the family of an innocent farmer. Sir Corten is known as a sorcerer, wielding small trinkets which bedevil and beguile. Sir Lied is actually noble and kind, and despises the other knights. All of them hate lord Ingvoe, but all of them are under a Geas to serve him as long as he lives, lest they be taken by the hungry dead and tortured for eternity. In addition, they are all terribly afraid of whatever dwells in the eastern tower.

Alken and Lied can both be cowed by displays of magical prowess, but Corten will take it as a challenge and an insult. Alken can also be distracted by petty insults, but will repay them with torture in quick order. If Lied is alone, he will help the PCs and can be convinced to turn his blade against his master. However, none of the others are willing to sacrifice themselves to kill him, and Lied won't perform any acts of good when they are around. All three of them are likely to relate the sob story of their Geas to the adventurers, but only Lied is sincere. If the PCs can play on Lord Ingvoe's Paranoia, he will order the knights to kill each other or kill them himself. Lied may already be doing this.

Alken and Corten are sure to escape if Lord Ingvoe is killed, and will try to loot the place. They will continue their evil in the surrounding countryside and may accrue some additional power. Lied will give chase and battle them, regardless of the presence of the PCs. 50% chance he can't catch them, 50% chance he loses.

If Lied or one of they others turned against Lord Ingvoe, he will be spirited away horrifically after the fatal attack.

The Secrets of the Castle

As mentioned in the previous section, something terrible dwells in the eastern tower. This is the dread ghost of the castle's previous lord. It cannot be seen by light, but glows with fleshy, greenish pallor in darkness. It's eyes bulge, and it grabs at the adventurers with withered, skeletal hands. These can be felt even when it cannot be seen. If the PCs learn of its existence, then they can hear its nightly wails, which prevents them from sleeping in the castle unless they have several points of exhaustion. 

 

[Pulling this one out of my drafts, probably unfinished but useful enough as is]

Domain-Play options for low-level Characters

 

Pictured: The party's base

Cheaper Strongholds

I never got why stronghold building was so expensive. OSE says that a small tower (presumably two floors) costs 15,000 GP to build. That's 1,500 pounds of pure gold. I am no historian, but I find it hard to believe there was that much gold in all of England at the time. That's enough to feed and house 10 labourers for Three and a Half years. I cannot believe it takes so long to build what amounts to a fortified stone hut (even if it was built by the DoT). Even supposing half of it went to material costs (which, there are almost none if you are building a wood keep, which was common) and permission from the lord, that's still 10 labourers for more than a year and a half for something which (according to OSE) takes 30 days to build. Unless making cobble walls (which are all over peasant farms) is much harder than I think, such that those labourers are being paid 50 gp per day (that is, five pounds of gold), this is utterly unreasonable.

 

Firstly, Silver Standard. Secondly, laborers are payed 10 sp per day. It takes 10 labourers a week to build fourty square feet of stone wall on the ground, two weeks if that wall is more than 20 feet above the ground. Half this time and double the height at which it is considered above the ground if you are building in wood. Double the time, the height, and cost if you are building with cut stone. If there is not material available on the worksite (i.e. your wooden tower isn't in a forest, your stone tower isn't on a shale cliff, your cut stone tower isn't in a quarry), you must pay an additional five labourers (per ten labourers) to collect and transport it. Less than this and construction slows. 

 

Players should draw the floorplan of their stronghold. This may then be used (by adding up the surface area of the walls) to calculate costs and time. DM's should put a limit on how many labourers they can hire, based on how many are available and how many would cause overcrowding (i.e. no peasant railgun). Normally 7 can be found in a 1 mile hex on the frontier, and 15 in civilized lands, 30 in populous places. There is a 1 in 20 chance per week of an accident, which may kill 1d4-1 workers and destroy (1d3-1)*40 square feet of wall, but at the least delays the construction another week.

 

Pictured: a 600 sp, 6 week investment.

The Ruins Homestead Act

 

The king and his nobles have become tired of the mismanagement of the land, tired of bandits and goblins hiding out in keeps and waylaying travelers, tired of paying amoral mercenaries large sums and finders-keepers rights just to have the damn ruins fill up again next year. Thus they have approved the Ruins Homestead Act. 

 

If a group of freemen clear out a dungeon with an above ground section, and present half the treasure to the Lord whose land the dungeon is on, give him or his representative a tour of the dungeon to ensure its safety, and swear fealty to him, that group shall be given the land the dungeon occupies and one hide of land around it per fully enclosed room above ground, up to a total of 10 hides, as well as any serfs who live on that land. If this gives one more than 3 hides, one of the company becomes a Gentleman and is a noble. More than 6 hides, one becomes a Knight. Both are expected to render military and other services.

Pictured: guaranteed knighthood

Scribe Wizards and Prophet Clerics

 

Some things about vancian casting for both MU's and Clerics always bothered me and many others. Wizards are supposed to be about their tools in my opinion. The most memorable scenes for me of wizards are of their cluttered and wondrous labs, not their ostentatious spells. Fireball- boring; Fireball cast from a scroll- cool. And Clerics don't cast spells, they are a conduit and a petitioner for miracles (sometimes with their will, sometimes without). So here are rewrites of the two classes to make them centered around what they should be, in my opinion (which is of course objectively true). 

Scribe Wizard

Saves, health, and proficiencies as Wizard, obviously. Starts with a wand, staff, or orb, (10 sheets of parchment, 10 uses of ink, and a quill) or (five alchemical salts, five special herbs, five bottles, and a cauldron or alembic), 2 sticks of chalk, and three spells known.

 

Wizards get +2 Magic Points per level. During a long rest, a wizard regains these points and may make a number of scrolls and alchemicals equal to twice his level and a number of magic devices equal to half his level rounded up. 

 

Scrolls (cards, tablets, paper amulets) use up a sheet of parchment and a use of ink, and can be used by anyone. Before casting, the wizard can imbue the scroll with as many points of magic as he wishes, empowering the spell. Scrolls are used by unrolling them and saying a magic word, which destroys the scroll. Spell scrolls may be bought from other wizards, but understanding them, removing their anti-piracy effects, and memorizing them takes a week.

 

Alchemicals (potions, magic dust, gases, oils) use up one alchemical salt or one special herb and one bottle to prepare, though the wizard may use both the salt and the herb to empower it with a magic point without spending any of his own (other special ingredients may be added to add more power). Just like Scrolls, alchemicals can be empowered with the wizard's own magic points and can be used by anyone. However, when using the alchemical, the wizard or anyone else using it must save or take damage 1d4 damage per point it was empowered with. Bottles may be reused provided they aren't smashed (most attacking spells require the alchemical to be thrown)

Magic Devices (wands, staffs, orbs, trinkets) don't use up any ingredients, but require at least one magic points to be invested (i.e. they won't be regained until you choose to retract your magic from the device). You can use the device to cast a number of cantrip versions of this spell equal to twice (your level + the number of magic points invested) per day. You may cast the normal version of the spell by using magic points, though it will count as though you had empowered the spell with one less magic point (i.e. 1 magic point to cast it at default level, 2 to cast as though it had one, etc). Non-wizards cannot use Magic Devices.

 

Spells may also be cast as rituals. Doing so takes at least ten minutes (every additional ten minutes allows the wizard to empower it with an additional MP) and uses a stick of chalk. The spell is cast with an MP modifier of (MP you spent + your level - hexes away from civilization - depth in a dungeon-(1d3)d6). The dungeon depth modifier can be removed if the wizard finds and reads a dungeon's or dungeon floor's sigil.

If a spell's MP is reduced below zero, its caster must save vs. spell. If he succeeds, the spell is cast as a cantrip. If he fails, the spell backlashes, dealing [MP spent]d4 damage to its caster, or something more interesting if the DM wants. If there is no duration given and it is not ruled instantaneous, assume either caster level rounds or permanent until points are disinvested, DM decides. Components (salts, herbs, ink, parchment, chalk) can be purchased for between 1-10 sp per use, and some may be foraged or synthesized.

 

 

Prophet Cleric

Saves, Proficiencies, health, and turns undead as cleric. Starts with a copy of the scriptures, a divine mission, and either (a weapon of your choice and armor) or (a prophecy about the doom of a nation or world and a dutiful scribe)

When the prophet makes their character, they choose a number between 5 and 20 (this is called their Divine Power). At the start of each day, they roll a d20 and add their level. If they roll higher than their Divine Power, there will be a miracle that day. If they roll no less than five lower than that number, they may pray to their god for assistance safely a number of times equal to their level. Miracles happen at the decision of the DM, but may be influenced by the cleric's prayers, and take the form of whatever the god thinks will best suit his plans (but cannot overreach the effects of a spell of a level equal to half their divine power rounded down). When the cleric prays, they roll a Divine Power check. If they succeed, they gain a minor miracle not overreaching the effects of a spell of a level equal to a quarter their Divine Power rounded down. 

If the cleric prays when he has no safe prayers left, he rolls the same except that on a failure the god does some display to humble him, perhaps incapacitating him with visions, smiting someone or something nearby, leveling a town, or just humiliating him.

(if using the spell system above, use 2 MP in place of level, i.e. if a god does a level 2 miracle it is instead a 4 MP miracle)

 

Divine Power 5 represents very small and accessible gods, like dryads or rock spirits. 10 would represent gods with wider ranging power, like city gods or mountain gods, or gods of a specific concept, like a god of beholders, fishermen, or grief. 15 represents gods of primal concepts, such as the sun, rulership, or the death; or nations and continents (like Marduk or Roma). 20 represents overdeities and creator gods.

12 Common Wizard Spells:

Fire: 

Cantrip - light a candle or torch, warm something, change a flame's color

Spell - Target must make a save vs. breath or take [MP+1]d6 damage, half on success. Alternatively, control a flame [MP+1]*5' in diameter for 2 rounds (can be increased at a rate of +1 round per MP), causing it to flow through the air at a rate of 30 ft per round like the live action AtLA movie.

(other elemental variations are mostly the same)

Magic Missile:

Cantrip - Cause 1 damage to target, nudge something less than 5 pounds

Spell - Taget automatically takes [MP+1]d4+1

 

Shield:

Cantrip - prevent 1 damage, summon a small floating disc, abjure muck and rain

Spell - prevent [MP+1]*6 damage

 

Analyze: 

Cantrip - Identify an otherwise mundane animal or plant, get a feeling of what is on the other side of a door

Spell - Understand piece of magic that is common (default), uncommon (2 mp), rare (4 mp), or legendary (8 MP). By spending 3 additional MP and spending a week examining it, you may learn a spell from it. By spending 1 additional MP you know its current market value.

 

Illusion:

Cantrip - make yourself look more attractive, bedazzle an object, make smoke dragons or shadow figures

Spell - Create an illusion [MP]*5 ft cubed. A wisdom check to recognize it as an illusion equal to 10+level is made for all creatures in 30 ft (can be increased +1 DC per MP). This spell can also create a mirage [MP]*25 ft cubed, which provokes wisdom checks at all ranges and disappears completely within 100 ft.

Light:

Cantrip - cause a glow as a torch, cause an object to sparkle, change a light's color

Spell - cause a dazzling light, which blinds all who behold it (including allies) for [MP] rounds (double if light sensitive), and does [MP+1]d8 damage to shadowy entities.

 

Darkness:

Cantrip - snuff a candle, cause an object to seem dingy or moldy, obscure your face like Black Mage

Spell - Create a cloud of darkness [MP]*10 feet in radius, which lasts for [MP]*2 rounds

Counterspell:

Cantrip - Cause spells and enchantments to flicker noticeably, counter a cantrip

Spell - Remove [MP] MP from a spell being cast or an enchantment that lingers.

Summon*:

Cantrip - make a bug, conjure a immaterial shade with 1 hp who can't talk

Spell - Summon an extraplanar creature with [MP] HD. This creature is tiny (default, 1 damage attack), small (1 mp, 1d4 damage attack), medium (2 mp, 1d8 attack), large (4 mp, 2d8 attack), or Huge (8 mp, 3d8 attack) or Gargantuan (16 MP, 5d10 attack). Stats otherwise as your choice of Elf (for humanoids), Shadow (for spirits), or Bear (for big monsters). Roll a d6: 1-2 it is evil, 3-4 it is neutral, 5-6 it is good. An additional MP may add or subtract one to the roll. When the creature appears, it makes a reaction roll toward the wizard. A good roll means it obeys at least marginally, while a bad means it may attack or go off to do its own business.

Banish*:

Cantrip - banish a tiny creature, allow a possessed person to make a saving throw.

Spell - Banish a creature. Compare [MP/Size catagory**]-HD. If the result is positive, the creature is banished forever, or for a year and a day, either to its homeplane or to some endless labyrinth. If it is negative, the creature is banished for that many rounds. If it is zero, it is banished for a week.

 

Heal:

Cantrip - heal 1 damage, mend an object, or heal mosquito bites, pimples, etc.

Spell - Heal [MP]d6 hp split amongst any number of creatures.***

 

Transmute*:

Cantrip - change the shape of some small object, change an Special Herb into an Alchemical Salt

 Spell - Change the material of something. Costs 2^x MP/cubic foot, where x is (value of raw material - value of intended material), according to the following values: Dirt (1), Ceramic or Glass (2), Stone (3), Metals (4), Semiprecious Stones(5), Precious Metals (6), Precious stones (7). Flesh may be transmuted by paying 2*x MP per Appendage (must start with outer appendage, can't start with head or heart) where x is 4+value of the target material.

*need obvious balancing

**the size category of the banished creature: 1 for small, 2 for medium, 3 for large, 4 for huge, 5 for gargantuan. Some monsters may count as larger than they are for the purposes of banishing.

***The lack of a baseline effect is why you always see healing potions and not healing scrolls

 

[My wizard favoritism really shows through in the focus of this post. Fair warning these are all untested, only somewhat thought through, and made from midnight to 7:30 AM. But if I don't get the ideas out they will die.]

I published for the One Page RPG Jam!

It's a Dunsanian classless system written in-universe. Check it out!

Class: Jongleur

GLoG style

1. Really Good Juggling, "Leap, Whistle, and Fart"
2. Magic for Some Reason
3. Wondrous Catch, Mimic
4. Contortion, Buffoun

6 Level

1. Really Good Juggling, "Leap, Whistle, and Fart"
2. Magic for Some Reason
3. Mimic
4. Wondrous Catch
5. Contortion
6. Buffoun

Starting Equipment: 4 balls, 4 knives, 2 juggler's torches, silly outfit, cynical outlook on life

Tumblr

Class Feature: Really Good Juggling

Given 1 round of preparations, you may juggle [Level+4] handheld items. As long as the ceiling is high enough, you may throw them high enough that they only touch your hands once every two rounds. You may also juggle [Level-1] items with limbs which aren't your hands. When juggling different objects, note down the order in which you juggle them. You may throw up to half (rounded down) of the items juggled with one action, though items thrown in the same round must follow the looping order of your juggling. These items function as improvised (or unimprovised) thrown weapons.

If the number of items juggled is greater than quadruple the HD/Level of an enemy present, that enemy must make a morale check, either regarding you as harmless or fleeing in terror on a failure. This only affects a given enemy once.

Class Feature: Leap, Whistle, and Fart

By making a fool of yourself, you may evoke a jovial response from otherwise hostile enemies. This requires one round of breathing, mental, and abdominal exercises, after which you may perform [Level] rounds of stupid slapstick. Enemies of anything other than the iciest temperaments will pause to chuckle, and more sanguine enemies will break down laughing for a few rounds. Allies must save to remain unaffected.

Kate Beaton, of course

Class Feature: Magic, for Some Reason

When you gain this feature, and every time you level up thereafter, roll a d6. On a six, gain one magic token* and one random spell from the following list:

1. Speak with the Dead
2. Find Familiar
3. ESP
4. Illusion
5. Hex
6. Color Spray

These spells are not obviously identifiable as spells when you cast them (appearing to be slight of hand or other tricks). They are still magical in nature. 

Regardless of whether you actually gain a spell, you detect as a magic-user and are considered on par with a witch or necromancer by any priests or other religious officials (this doesn't affect how laypeople view you. Probably they will react with utter confusion if they witness and recognize you doing magic).

Class Feature: Mimic

You may impersonate the voice and mannerisms of a being you have seen or heard. This is a non-magical effect and thus cannot effect the physical appearance. However, if physical appearance is ignored or disguised, you are at once indistinguishable from the being you are impersonating and a hilarious caricature of that same being. Overly serious close relations might be able to tell, but most people would simply think their acquaintance is more funny and/or self-aware than usual.

If performed in front of the individual in question, the individual either finds it hilarious or enraging (50/50).

Kate Beaton

Class Feature: Wondrous Catch

You may catch thrown objects, as long as the attack roll was less than [level*2]. These objects may automatically be added to your juggling if you are juggling when it was thrown. You may also catch magical attacks if the spell attack was less than [level]. The magical attack vanishes if you stop juggling it.

Class Feature: Contortion

You may perform superhuman feats of flexibility. You may fit through any hole larger than your head. As well you may cartwheel and somersault to halve fall damage (space permitting). You can walk on your hands as easily as you walk on your feet.

Class Feature: Bouffon

Your lungs store a surprising amount of air (and other things too). You may use your breath to create a powerful air current. As well, you may breath fire as long as you have fuel and a source to light it. This fire breath acts as a young red dragon's breath.

Mechanical Notes

Powerful early game, eh late game. The Bard without the Bard, the Rogue without the Rogue. The jongleur has the ability to "end" a reasonable amount of early encounters (maybe not as good as a well placed Sleep, but with the ability to take out a lot of those who weren't affected), and then a lot of situational abilities, and one ability which is almost only a downside. The enterprising Glogger could probably crib this for their custom modular rogue class. Probably the level effects need to be rescaled for six level progression. Still, enemy of the church at level 2 is a pretty bad downside in most GLoG settings.

I don't think it would be hard to make a Kagura dancer, Dionysia actor, or other holy entertainer by just swapping out the arcane spells for divine.

* Magic Token is approximately 1d2 spells slots or 1 magic dice. I'm going to use this from now on, because I do not like to write "spell slots/magic dice/etc."; maybe I should just call it a Thaum and be done.

Exhortations to the Bloggers

                                                                                    

Exhortations to the Bloggers, which may be an Accompaniment to Arnold K., Taken mostly from Clement of Alexandria

The Seven Ways of "Introducing Deception and of Procuring Gods"

1. "Some men were deceived from the first about the spectacle of the heavens.Trusting solely to sight, they gazed at the movements of the heavenly bodies, and in wonder deified them, giving them the name of gods"
2. "Others, when gathering the cultivated fruits of plants that spring from the earth, called the corn Demeter"
3. "Others, after reflecting upon the punishments of evil-doing, make gods out of their experiences of retribution, worshipping the very calamities"
4. "Even certain of the philosophers themselves, following the men of poetry, came to represent as deities the types of your emotions, such as Fear, Love, Joy, Hope; just as, of course, Epimenides did of old, when he set up altars in Athens to Insolence and Shamelessness."
5. "Some gods arise from the mere circumstances of life deified in men’s eyes and fashioned in bodily form" (meaning death and fate and so on)
6. "There is a sixth way... according to which men reckon them to be twelve in number" (i.e. Top-down, genealogy and mythology)
7. "Finally... there remains that which arises from the divine beneficence shown towards men; for, since men did not understand it was God who benefited them, they invented certain saviours" (Mistake a real god for a fake one)

"Do not therefore seek diligently after godless sanctuaries, nor after mouths of caverns full of jugglery", a list of shrines:

1. the Thesprotian caldron
2. the Cirrhaean tripod
3. the Dodonian copper
4. the old stump honoured by the desert sands
5. The Castalian spring 
6. the spring of Colophon
   

Exhortation to the Greeks, by Clement of Alexandria (or pseudo-Clement) is a (very funny) polemic written telling Christians not to participate in mystery cults, and, to a lesser degree, telling the pagans that they should stop being fools and become Christians. It provides a biased, but very useful, humorous, and short look at the workings of greek religion and of pagan religions in general, and I think it is a good accompaniment to Arnold K.'s post on religions as a primary/secondary source.

Katabax's Hypothetical Enfleshment

Katabax was a necromancer, biomancer, and a madman. This was a spell he made after observing his colleagues raising giant humanoids from mammoth bones, or making a big snake from human bones.

Katabax's Hypothetical Enfleshment

Target: an Animated Skeleton, bone golem, or some other osteomorphic beast within ten feet

Material Requirements: fresh meat, of an amount equal to the flesh that will cover the skeleton. Optionally a brain and working organs.

Duration: 1 hour

Effect: The bones of the creature are covered in quickly growing flesh and non-differentiated viscera. This includes eyes and muscles, but no other organs by default. it is finished off with skin. This creature now counts as living, but (if no other organs are involved) has no pulse or breath, and has only the consciousness possessed by the animated skeleton it was formed from.

If the skeleton this was cast on was made from the bones of only one creature, it creates that creature's precise physical form. However, if the skeleton was an amalgam of different creatures, or possessed inaccuracies in placement or number of bones, the spell "does its best". 50% chance the spell picks randomly from the perceptions and theories of the possible creature possessed by all viewing, 50% chance it makes a horrible skin-and-bone-lizard-thing or some sort of frog.

Necro-biomantic energies keep this creature "alive" for the duration of the spell, but this does not keep the creature from breaking its legs under its weight, flexing so hard its bones shatter, etc. If the creature has the requisite organs to keep it alive (brain, digestive tract, lungs, heart), but these organs come from a creature with a different bodyplan, it can live for 1d4 weeks before succumbing to health issues. If these organs are from a very similar creature, it can live for 2d6-1 months before it is struck down by enraged spiritual forces. Otherwise, it dies immediately after the duration expires.

If a complete human skeleton is used, and the caster has no idea what the dead person would have looked like, it invariably produces a tight-faced, chipper white man named John who claims he is a door-to-door salesman from 1950s America. If a skeleton from one individual is used, and the caster or party know who they are, the individual in question is produced, or at least the individual as imagined by the group (e.g. flanderization, catch-phrases at inopportune times, general expectedness and a lack of the ability to grow or change. It is basically an empty vessel filled with surface impressions). This being has a 45% chance of being possessed by a demon when created, and a 15% chance per week thereafter. The demon will pretend they are the individual back from the dead and try to create evil or kill various people of import.