Monday, August 18, 2025

How to Win the Dawn War: 20 Wanderers

 

From Etrian Odyssey
Never much been good at NPCs. Trying to change that. 
  1. Kayven
    Race, class, level: Human Commoner 0
    Description: Balding, middle aged man with a frown like Oscar the grouch. Seething. Nonsequitur. Boomer belief that if everyone followed his advice, they would be much better off.
    Wants: You to buy his books. "The Illustrious Tale of Kayven", "The Proverbs of Kayven", etc.
    Means: Subtle negging, followed by wild accusations of drug use, madness, witchcraft.
    Boon: Leaves you alone, maybe.
  2. Ailas the Old
    Race, class, level: Faun Ranger 15
    Description: Stout, grey faun in a stout, grey robe, with a stout, grey staff. Just visited wherever you were about to go, be it town, dungeon, hell... Don't worry, he was just poking around, plenty of danger and treasure to be found. Highly influential among Avandrites.
    Wants: Pleasant conversation and good food.
    Means: Pretend to doddering old mannishness (it doesn't work, you can see his level on the HUD)
    Boon: Information about where you are headed.
  3. COUNT CRUCIFER!
    Race, Class, Level: Vampire!
    Description: Obvious dracula. Extremely affable and ineffectual.
    Wants: To establish his Domain of Eternal Darkness!
    Means: Make vampire minions, charm and ravish men and women.
    Boon: Immortality and noble status in his hypothetical realm.
  4. Priest Oriel
    Race, class, level: Human Cleric (Party level + 1)
    Description: Blonde twink, mannerisms of Christian Character in a Christian movie. Just wants to help 🥺. Newly promoted to Priest, from Tutor. Unshakeable belief that the only reason anyone doesn't worship Pelora is just because they need to know more about her. If the party already has a Leader, will form a rival party with Grana, Inoven, and Ronas.
    Wants: You to accept Pelora's Light 😊.
    Means: Join beginning adventuring parties. Tell them about how great Pelora is.
    Boon: Healbot with some church standing, expositor.
  5. Grana of the Jagged Peaks
    Race, class, level: Half-orc Fighter (Party level + 1)
    Description: Large green woman in minimal clothing, acts like a cartoon hercules. Born and raised in the Kordlands. Crippling inferiority complex, easily goaded, extremely easily flattered. If the party already has a Defender, will form rival party with Oriel, Inoven, and Ronas. Within said party, unwitting catalyst of wild and ridiculous romantic drama between all members.
    Wants: To prove herself.
    Means: Join beginning adventuring parties. Get a strong rival.
    Boon: She has like 20 strength.
    Etrian Odyssey
  6. Inoven the Furtive 
    Race, class, level: Faun Rogue (Party level + 1)
    Description: A shit-eating grin in leather armor. If the party already has a Striker, will form rival party with Oriel, Grana, and Ronas.
    Wants: Hot chicks, money.
    Means: Join beginning adventuring parties. Shitty pickup artistry.
    Boons: Connection to the thieves guild.
  7. Wizard Ronas
    Race, class, level: ??? Wizard (Party Level +1)
    Description: Final fantasy black mage. Huge nerd. Says things like "curiouser and curiouser". Pokes his nose into everything, and then writes it down. If the party already has a Controller, will form rival party with Oriel, Grana, and Inoven.
    Wants: To find out
    Means: Join beginning adventuring parties. Experiment whenever he can.
    Boon: Loredump
  8. Dawn D'wore
    Race, class, level: Elf ranger 1
    Description: Anime french-rococo shepherdess in a miniskirt. Talks like a southern belle. You know her, she's on the box art! Danger magnet and absolute liability. Kidnapped and cursed preferentially.
    Wants: Adventure and romance, to be rescued from whatever situation she is in.
    Means: Join your party, get in situations.
    Boon: Double XP for any encounter she is in where she does not end up kidnapped, cursed, or dead.
  9. Yamash
    Race, class, level: Human bard 30
    Description: Long green hair, ageless beauty, unfathomably tired. The last purely human son of Avandros. Yamash was granted the Seek when his father took his current position. Has spent the last few Aeons seeking the Meaning of Life, to no avail.
    Wants: to die
    Means: seek novel experiences, with no moral qualms
    Boon: If you give him something new, he might do you one (1) favor with his ancient knowledge and absolute skill.
  10. Margaret, The Dam of Duer
    Race, class, level: Human noble 5
    Description: Fanciest, fattest, oldest lady, looks like queen elizabeth, carried around on a litter by several half-orcs. Says things like "Good heavens!" and "Sieze him!". Finds the players to be disgusting, charming little vermin. Upsettingly unfaithful to the duke of Duer.
    Wants: The most fabulous art objects in the world. Will talk about whatever she is after currently.
    Means: Send amoral mercenaries, buy with obscene wealth.
    Boons: Obscene wealth, opportunities to snatch artifacts before she does
    Final fantasy
  11. Gabriel the Fearless
    Race, class, level: Human Paladin 7
    Description: White haired young man in a black suit of armor. Quixotic, with an absolute morality resolved via hair-brained schemes. Gabriel is from the real world. His blessing upon arriving in this one was taking the class of Paladin without the oversight of any god, whom he immediately distrusted. This was granted by Bahamat, though in her waking state she finds him rather freaky. Cursed to become tiny under a full moon.
    Wants: Great Justice, to return home.
    Means: The Sword, teary eyed kindness
    Boons: Commiseration, mainly
  12. Daphne the Green
    Race, class, level: Eladrin Druid 11
    Description: Ethereal, veiled nymph-type, talks breathlessly. Like all druids, an indirect worshiper of Melor through his godlings. Extremely heretical, wants to tame and subvert the natural spirits and Melor himself through any means possible to provide prosperity and beauty to the world. As history has several recorded instances of Melor getting beaten up, she's rather hopeful.
    Wants: Dominion over the natural order, through control of leylines, spirits, killing and eating the avatars of melor, etc.
    Means: Pretense of innocence, send adventurers on seemingly innocuous quests
    Boons: Casts rituals and blessings, provides magic items
  13. Ulrike the Mage of Umbral Might
    Race, class, level: Tiefling Warlock 2
    Description: Like, 12. Godchild of Tiamut. Demands you tremble before him. The little black lizard on his shoulder is Obscura, his familiar, whose main job is to laugh at him.
    Wants: Respect, primarily. New age of darkness, secondarily.
    Means: Alternately terrorizing and helping
    Boons: Direct line to Tiamut, if you need that.
  14. Podo Podum
    Race, class, level: Dwarf Cleric 4
    Description: Jolly and santa-esque smith and cleric of Moradi. Nose like some sort of fabulous squash. His dream is to find the One Sword, the greatest relic of Moradi, whereupon he will start a cult.
    Wants: Relics and magic items
    Means: Showing up in dungeons, offering his services or trades for lesser magic items in exchange
    Boons: Healing, blessing, repairing. Dungeon merchant.
    MTG
  15. Faustus the Marvelous
    Race, class, level: Human Wizard 3
    Description: Young, yet worn out, stage magician looking guy. Underfed, crippling wizard school debt. Theatrical in a despairing way. His research was in customizing spells, and his abilities all have flavorful additions: lightning bolts crackling with fireworks, cloud of cards instead of cloud of daggers.
    Wants: Food
    Means: Performance, teaching.
    Boons: Customize spells!
  16. Alicia
    Race, class, level: Human fighter 1
    Description: Disheveled, manic young woman dressed as a jester. Seems at times painfully compelled to ecstatic interjection. Glitchy mess.
    Wants: Statues, frogs
    Means: Incoherent pleading, random violence
    Boons: Whatever she has in her pockets. Actions that break the laws of physics.
  17. Tringalor
    Race, class, level: Elf commoner 1
    Description: Enthusiastic, slicked back black hair, impeccable foppish fashion. Fashion designer and merchant, very fast tailor, hairdresser, etc. Character customization NPC.
    Wants: You to be better dressed, latest fashions in far off places.
    Means: Very insistent, yet open to your input
    Boons: Rapid makeover, sick clothes
  18. Balthazar the Bizarre
    Race, class, level: Human Wizard 16
    Description: Cryptic purple-cloaked archmage, pondering his orb, you know how it is. Appears randomly with a whole storefront wherever he is encountered. Enormous owl on his shoulder, really preposterously big.
    Wants: You to solve his riddles
    Means: Hee-hee-hee. Hoo.
    Boons: Magic items, sometimes with ironic twist.
  19. Lilian the Purple
    Race, class, level: Human Bard 4
    Description: Brunette in a lilac dress, smiling and quick witted. Lilian is from the real world, and leveled up just enough to keep herself safe and comfortable. Received a ring of invisibility from Sehanine, and has so far managed to keep from going full Gyges with it.
    Wants: To hear about what other isekai'd people are doing, maybe put it to song, to stay safe and comfortable.
    Means: Open conversation. She has a house with a simple teleportation ritual on it so she can return if things get sticky.
    Boons: Spread your fame, help you out
  20. Hannibal
    Race, class, level: Human warlord 13
    Description: What??? HOW???
    Wants: To conquer a new carthage.
    Means: Inexplicable elephants.
    Boons: Strategic brilliance.
    I feel I have to credit Loch for the last one

Wednesday, August 6, 2025

Chose you out of World (GLoG Class: Rogue)

 

By the fickle whims of that despot, Fate, I have been doomed to write a class about the French

Class: Huguenot 
Start with: Fine Clothes, 20 Pamphlets, a Sword

Excommunicat: You have been abandoned by mother church, the whore. You may, once per effect, try to dispel her superstitions: 4-in-6 chance for saintly miracles, 2-in-6 for arcane grammarye. God has chosen your fate, and none can alter it. If your fortune is told by magic, you receive one additional piece of information and an injunction by God. You have -2 reaction with Catholics, -5 with priests, and whenever you are reduced to 0 HP by any frenchman, one person watching holds Espirit for you.

Le Roi Huguet: You may call upon the ghosts of those who ought to be elect, but were denied beatitude by the church and lay now in infamous neglect. Each night, you may declare that the town in which you stay is in a ruckus: people waylaid by spirits in the streets, teapots smashed against walls, dreadful nightmares... Fellow Huguenots are unaffected, as are those in holy ground. Each night you do this in a week after the first, +1 in 6 chance townsfolk try to kill you all.

Destined: Your descendants will hold you in esteem, and you may command them as hirelings.

Conventicle: Those you travel with will not be noticed doing any of the following at night: going to the house of a huguenot, singing or praying loudly, posting seditious notices and pamphlets, gathering weapons, going to a brothel or tavern, starting fires.

Revered: On horseback, you may go faster than any military force, so long as there is a military force to go faster than.

Demonstrate: Against a Catholic, you may humiliate him instead of killing. This provokes morale from whatever group he is a part of:

  • The first time
  • When you humiliate a military leader
  • When you humiliate a cleric
  • When you humiliate a quarter of the group
  • When you humiliate half the group
If they fail morale, they lose faith that this is the will of God and disperse. If this happens, each Catholic you humiliated loses half their sway (if they have any) and swears enmity against all Huguenots and you specifically. If their group does not lose morale because of humiliation, they instead go home slightly embarassed and unlikely to bother you again.