1d51 Funny Words

 

You know, I've been running a Live Action Roleplaying Game this past year! I really ought to post about that more. Anyways, here's some words in Funny, or Faunny if you are being particular, the dialect that the cheerful and socially-unaware fauns speak. Stolen liberally from the dictionaries of Grose, Coleridge, and my girlfriend's extensive inside jokes.

 1. Acter: hunter
2. Athel: a noble, that is a king, lord, or knight
3. Awake: to know
4. Banaghan: a storyteller
5. Bell: The best, a victory (Wearing the bell: being the star of the show, five minutes of fame)
6. Bondy: a Human
7. Bosk: woods
8. Catath: a monster
9. Cockerel or Hen: a seer (before the cockerel crows: before we’re doomed)
10. Cukebine: An unwholesome woman
11. Drusy: Fuzzy; by extension, an animal, typically a sheep
12. Egg: a divination or riddle (to crack an egg: to resolve the same)
13. Finger: to hunger or want
14. Flyflute: a happy-go-lucky person
15. Foggy: Elf
16. Funny: Like a faun. Transferred into common meaning “humorous”
17. Gesten: to welcome or show hospitality
18. Gome: A person
19. Greeb: an old woman
20. Hint: an insult, or a person who insults, especially in a polite sounding way
21. Imps: Ruins, and by extension anyone or anything living in a ruin, especially a sorcerous creature
22. Ink-kindler: a scribe
23. Ink: to instruct
24. Inlow: To trick
25. Ire: Iron, especially weapons of iron. By extension, anger, or a fight.
26. Jangle: to entertain
27. Jett: a curse (to throw jett: to cast a curse)
28. Jettin: a cursed person
29. Kalk: write, think, or reckon
30. Kane: a knight
31. Keen: Dwarf
32. Keft: to catch
33. Kete: Bright, good.
34. Kindle: to attract or inspire (love, typically)
35. Lark: a fighter or adventurer, from Alaric Burning-hearted; later applied to certain songbirds, and was given a whimsical connotation
36. Lither: a wicked, violent person, or a drakkencursed.
37. Lordling/Ladyling: shepherd
38. Meer: Moon
39. Mudder: Farmer
40. Nitty: crazy
41. Onionsauce: Nonsense, or a social norm to which the faun refuses to abide
42. Samite: gold, or any kind of opulence; by extension, something beyond the expected
43. Selfname: Pompous person, or a new-made lord
44. Sing-song: a sorcerer, especially an enchanter
45. Sitling: one who lives in a settled area, a non-faun
46. Sooth: real, or very
47. Spinnandweb: a spider, a schemer or weaver
48. Thister: a Shade (to turn thister: To die, especially violently)
49. Thriven: honest and good
50. Vyss: Riverfolk
51. Woodpainter: charcoal-burner

And, to demonstrate their use, some examples:

“That foggy selfname, I’m awake that he’s a sing-song. I’ll jangle along, but not a way he’ll inlow us.” 
(That pompous elf, I know he’s a sorcerer! I’ll entertain him, but he’s not gonna trick us)

“I was gestened by an athel yesterweek. Flyflute fellow! Gave me some sooth-samite. Well, I kalk I owe him, but what does he finger from an acter?” 
(I was hosted by a noble yesterweek. Had his head in the clouds! He gave me way too much treasure. I reckon I owe him, but what does he want from a mere hunter?)

“There’s a sooth catath out in the bosk. Turned a vyss thister just yesterday. Dunno if its a lither, jettin, or some old imp, but I hope the athel sends some thriven kane before the cockerel crows.” 
(There’s a real monster out in the woods. Turned a riverman into a shade (i.e. killed him) just yesterday. Don’t know if its a dragon, a cursed person, or some summoned spirit, but I hope the lord sends a good knight before we’re all doomed)

These examples are a bit overwrought, just to display as many words as possible. Real examples would use a third as much or less, unless one was purposefully trying to hide the meaning of a phrase, or just had a particularly thick dialect. 

Here are the words sorted by category...

Races
Gome: A person
Bondy: a Human
Keen: Dwarf
Foggy: Elf
Vyss: Riverfolk

Professions
Athel: a noble, that is a king, lord, or knight
Acter: hunter
Banaghan: a storyteller
Ink-kindler: a scribe
Kane: a knight
Lark: a fighter or adventurer
Lordling/Ladyling: shepherd
Mudder: Farmer
Sing-song: a sorcerer, especially an enchanter
Spinnandweb: a schemer or weaver
Woodpainter: charcoal-burner
Cockerel or Hen: a seer

Other types of people
Bell: "The best of the best"
Cukebine: An unwholesome woman
Flyflute: a happy-go-lucky person
Funny: Someone like a faun
Greeb: an old woman
Hint: Someone who hides insults with politeness
Imps: Someone who lives in a ruin
Jettin: a cursed person
Nitty: a crazy person
Lither: a wicked, violent person
Selfname: Pompous person
Sitling: one who lives in a settled area, a non-faun

Descriptions
Bell: The best
Drusy: Fuzzy or soft
Kete: Bright, good
Nitty: crazy
Onionsauce: Nonsense
Samite: Opulent, ostentatious, or extra
Sooth: real, or very
Thriven: honest and good

Actions
(to be) Awake: to know
(to) Bell: To win
(to) Finger (for): to hunger or want
(to) Gesten: to welcome or show hospitality
(to) Hint: to insult, in a polite sounding way
(to) Ink: to instruct
(to) Inlow: To trick
(to) Jangle: to entertain
(to) Kalk: write, think, or reckon
(to) Keft: to catch
(to) Kindle: to attract or inspire (love, typically)
(to) Lark: to Adventure

Dangers and Oddities
Bosk: woods
Catath: a monster
Egg: a divination or riddle 
Jett: a curse 
Jettin: a cursed person
Lither: a wicked, violent person, or a drakkencursed.
Meer: Moon
Spinnandweb: a spider, a schemer 
Thister: a Shade 

Phrases
Wearing the bell: being the star of the show, five minutes of fame
Before the cockerel crows: before long, or before we’re doomed
To crack an egg: to resolve a riddle or divination
To throw jett: to cast a curse
To turn thister: To die, especially violently

I estimate a week before this nonsense just worms its way into my vocabulary and I become completely incomprehensible. I also expect my good friend Loch Nothicseye to tell me that this post is just an accurate lexicon for his aunt's daily speech. Sorry loch, that old greeb is funny, I don't make the rules.

Dirt Simple Domains (OSE?)

 

dunno the source, alas

Thinking (as usual?) about clerics. You know that I like gods with some personality. But there's certainly an aesthetic space for something a bit more one-note. Sometimes all that is relevant to a game is that such-and-such shrine is dedicated to the god of fire, or my cleric worships the sword-god, or this blade is holy to the god of frogs. The assumed cleric of an old school game (I'm using OSE as the example, cause its easy) is devoted to the god (possibly God) of light or law or life or something, or conversely to evil/chaos/death. They don't often have strictures, at least not by default, that would prevent them from, say, graverobbing. They're just supposed to, vaguely, advance the cause of good.

So, let's think similarly about the cleric of the god of frogs. They aren't bound that "thou shalt always be slimy" by the trickster frog Glorn. They worship simply the god of frogs, and will try to "advance the cause of frogs", whatever that entails, but in the same vague way that the fighter wants to avenge their parents. When you have a cleric like this, here is what you can do:

First, determine if the deity is lawful, neutral, or chaotic. You can pretty much just let the player pick, or use whatever alignment they are gonna be. This tells you if they are going to use the normal or reversed version of spells, of course.

Then, pick whichever spell on the cleric spell list is least fitting to the god, and replace that with the most fitting spell from the MU spell list of the same level (or illusionist/druid spell list, if you are using the full rules). This can be a bit tricky with only the MU spell list since they can be a little generic, but remember that being old-school doesn't mean we are banned from reflavoring things. For instance, for the god of frogs, I would replace Light with Shield (I would choose Sleep, but we all know Sleep is a bit overpowered)

When the cleric reaches higher levels of spells, repeat this process with the new level, taking into account any fun flavor your cleric mentioned about their god. Our frog god at second level will lose Bless and get Hypnotic Pattern. 

Finally, if you'd like, you can replace Turn Undead with a category of creature that the god would be opposed to. You could also Turn that category as well as undead, maybe increasing the effective HD of the turned creature. I think the god of frogs would be neutral on the subject of undead, but would rather loathe birds.

I don't pretend that this is a new idea or houserules, I just wanted to write about it. I might write up a short list of simple gods like this just for fun later on. I think if I were to add clerics to Fifth Fantasy, it would be in a similar vein.

How to Win the Dawn War: 20 Wanderers

 

From Etrian Odyssey

Never much been good at NPCs. Trying to change that. 

1. Kayven
   Race, class, level: Human Commoner 0
   Description: Balding, middle aged man with a frown like Oscar the grouch. Seething. Nonsequitur. Boomer belief that if everyone followed his advice, they would be much better off.
   Wants: You to buy his books. "The Illustrious Tale of Kayven", "The Proverbs of Kayven", etc.
   Means: Subtle negging, followed by wild accusations of drug use, madness, witchcraft.
   Boon: Leaves you alone, maybe.
2. Ailas the Old
   Race, class, level: Faun Ranger 15
   Description: Stout, grey faun in a stout, grey robe, with a stout, grey staff. Just visited wherever you were about to go, be it town, dungeon, hell... Don't worry, he was just poking around, plenty of danger and treasure to be found. Highly influential among Avandrites.
   Wants: Pleasant conversation and good food.
   Means: Pretend to doddering old mannishness (it doesn't work, you can see his level on the HUD)
   Boon: Information about where you are headed.
3. COUNT CRUCIFER!
   Race, Class, Level: Vampire!
   Description: Obvious dracula. Extremely affable and ineffectual.
   Wants: To establish his Domain of Eternal Darkness!
   Means: Make vampire minions, charm and ravish men and women.
   Boon: Immortality and noble status in his hypothetical realm.
4. Priest Oriel
   Race, class, level: Human Cleric (Party level + 1)
   Description: Blonde twink, mannerisms of Christian Character in a Christian movie. Just wants to help 🥺. Newly promoted to Priest, from Tutor. Unshakeable belief that the only reason anyone doesn't worship Pelora is just because they need to know more about her. If the party already has a Leader, will form a rival party with Grana, Inoven, and Ronas.
   Wants: You to accept Pelora's Light 😊.
   Means: Join beginning adventuring parties. Tell them about how great Pelora is.
   Boon: Healbot with some church standing, expositor.
5. Grana of the Jagged Peaks
   Race, class, level: Half-orc Fighter (Party level + 1)
   Description: Large green woman in minimal clothing, acts like a cartoon hercules. Born and raised in the Kordlands. Crippling inferiority complex, easily goaded, extremely easily flattered. If the party already has a Defender, will form rival party with Oriel, Inoven, and Ronas. Within said party, unwitting catalyst of wild and ridiculous romantic drama between all members.
   Wants: To prove herself.
   Means: Join beginning adventuring parties. Get a strong rival.
   Boon: She has like 20 strength.

   

   Etrian Odyssey

6. Inoven the Furtive 
   Race, class, level: Faun Rogue (Party level + 1)
   Description: A shit-eating grin in leather armor. If the party already has a Striker, will form rival party with Oriel, Grana, and Ronas.
   Wants: Hot chicks, money.
   Means: Join beginning adventuring parties. Shitty pickup artistry.
   Boons: Connection to the thieves guild.
7. Wizard Ronas
   Race, class, level: ??? Wizard (Party Level +1)
   Description: Final fantasy black mage. Huge nerd. Says things like "curiouser and curiouser". Pokes his nose into everything, and then writes it down. If the party already has a Controller, will form rival party with Oriel, Grana, and Inoven.
   Wants: To find out
   Means: Join beginning adventuring parties. Experiment whenever he can.
   Boon: Loredump
8. Dawn D'wore
   Race, class, level: Elf ranger 1
   Description: Anime french-rococo shepherdess in a miniskirt. Talks like a southern belle. You know her, she's on the box art! Danger magnet and absolute liability. Kidnapped and cursed preferentially.
   Wants: Adventure and romance, to be rescued from whatever situation she is in.
   Means: Join your party, get in situations.
   Boon: Double XP for any encounter she is in where she does not end up kidnapped, cursed, or dead.
9. Yamash
   Race, class, level: Human bard 30
   Description: Long green hair, ageless beauty, unfathomably tired. The last purely human son of Avandros. Yamash was granted the Seek when his father took his current position. Has spent the last few Aeons seeking the Meaning of Life, to no avail.
   Wants: to die
   Means: seek novel experiences, with no moral qualms
   Boon: If you give him something new, he might do you one (1) favor with his ancient knowledge and absolute skill.
10. Margaret, The Dam of Duer
    Race, class, level: Human noble 5
    Description: Fanciest, fattest, oldest lady, looks like queen elizabeth, carried around on a litter by several half-orcs. Says things like "Good heavens!" and "Sieze him!". Finds the players to be disgusting, charming little vermin. Upsettingly unfaithful to the duke of Duer.
    Wants: The most fabulous art objects in the world. Will talk about whatever she is after currently.
    Means: Send amoral mercenaries, buy with obscene wealth.
    Boons: Obscene wealth, opportunities to snatch artifacts before she does

    

    Final fantasy

11. Gabriel the Fearless
    Race, class, level: Human Paladin 7
    Description: White haired young man in a black suit of armor. Quixotic, with an absolute morality resolved via hair-brained schemes. Gabriel is from the real world. His blessing upon arriving in this one was taking the class of Paladin without the oversight of any god, whom he immediately distrusted. This was granted by Bahamat, though in her waking state she finds him rather freaky. Cursed to become tiny under a full moon.
    Wants: Great Justice, to return home.
    Means: The Sword, teary eyed kindness
    Boons: Commiseration, mainly
12. Daphne the Green
    Race, class, level: Eladrin Druid 11
    Description: Ethereal, veiled nymph-type, talks breathlessly. Like all druids, an indirect worshiper of Melor through his godlings. Extremely heretical, wants to tame and subvert the natural spirits and Melor himself through any means possible to provide prosperity and beauty to the world. As history has several recorded instances of Melor getting beaten up, she's rather hopeful.
    Wants: Dominion over the natural order, through control of leylines, spirits, killing and eating the avatars of melor, etc.
    Means: Pretense of innocence, send adventurers on seemingly innocuous quests
    Boons: Casts rituals and blessings, provides magic items
13. Ulrike the Mage of Umbral Might
    Race, class, level: Tiefling Warlock 2
    Description: Like, 12. Godchild of Tiamut. Demands you tremble before him. The little black lizard on his shoulder is Obscura, his familiar, whose main job is to laugh at him.
    Wants: Respect, primarily. New age of darkness, secondarily.
    Means: Alternately terrorizing and helping
    Boons: Direct line to Tiamut, if you need that.
14. Podo Podum
    Race, class, level: Dwarf Cleric 4
    Description: Jolly and santa-esque smith and cleric of Moradi. Nose like some sort of fabulous squash. His dream is to find the One Sword, the greatest relic of Moradi, whereupon he will start a cult.
    Wants: Relics and magic items
    Means: Showing up in dungeons, offering his services or trades for lesser magic items in exchange
    Boons: Healing, blessing, repairing. Dungeon merchant.

    

    MTG

15. Faustus the Marvelous
    Race, class, level: Human Wizard 3
    Description: Young, yet worn out, stage magician looking guy. Underfed, crippling wizard school debt. Theatrical in a despairing way. His research was in customizing spells, and his abilities all have flavorful additions: lightning bolts crackling with fireworks, cloud of cards instead of cloud of daggers.
    Wants: Food
    Means: Performance, teaching.
    Boons: Customize spells!
16. Alicia
    Race, class, level: Human fighter 1
    Description: Disheveled, manic young woman dressed as a jester. Seems at times painfully compelled to ecstatic interjection. Glitchy mess.
    Wants: Statues, frogs
    Means: Incoherent pleading, random violence
    Boons: Whatever she has in her pockets. Actions that break the laws of physics.
17. Tringalor
    Race, class, level: Elf commoner 1
    Description: Enthusiastic, slicked back black hair, impeccable foppish fashion. Fashion designer and merchant, very fast tailor, hairdresser, etc. Character customization NPC.
    Wants: You to be better dressed, latest fashions in far off places.
    Means: Very insistent, yet open to your input
    Boons: Rapid makeover, sick clothes
18. Balthazar the Bizarre
    Race, class, level: Human Wizard 16
    Description: Cryptic purple-cloaked archmage, pondering his orb, you know how it is. Appears randomly with a whole storefront wherever he is encountered. Enormous owl on his shoulder, really preposterously big.
    Wants: You to solve his riddles
    Means: Hee-hee-hee. Hoo.
    Boons: Magic items, sometimes with ironic twist.
19. Lilian the Purple
    Race, class, level: Human Bard 4
    Description: Brunette in a lilac dress, smiling and quick witted. Lilian is from the real world, and leveled up just enough to keep herself safe and comfortable. Received a ring of invisibility from Sehanine, and has so far managed to keep from going full Gyges with it.
    Wants: To hear about what other isekai'd people are doing, maybe put it to song, to stay safe and comfortable.
    Means: Open conversation. She has a house with a simple teleportation ritual on it so she can return if things get sticky.
    Boons: Spread your fame, help you out
20. Hannibal
    Race, class, level: Human warlord 13
    Description: What??? HOW???
    Wants: To conquer a new carthage.
    Means: Inexplicable elephants.
    Boons: Strategic brilliance.

    

    I feel I have to credit Loch for the last one

Chose you out of World (GLoG Class: Rogue)

 

By the fickle whims of that despot, Fate, I have been doomed to write a class about the French

Class: Huguenot 
Start with: Fine Clothes, 20 Pamphlets, a Sword

Excommunicat: You have been abandoned by mother church, the whore. You may, once per effect, try to dispel her superstitions: 4-in-6 chance for saintly miracles, 2-in-6 for arcane grammarye. God has chosen your fate, and none can alter it. If your fortune is told by magic, you receive one additional piece of information and an injunction by God. You have -2 reaction with Catholics, -5 with priests, and whenever you are reduced to 0 HP by any frenchman, one person watching holds Espirit for you.

Le Roi Huguet: You may call upon the ghosts of those who ought to be elect, but were denied beatitude by the church and lay now in infamous neglect. Each night, you may declare that the town in which you stay is in a ruckus: people waylaid by spirits in the streets, teapots smashed against walls, dreadful nightmares... Fellow Huguenots are unaffected, as are those in holy ground. Each night you do this in a week after the first, +1 in 6 chance townsfolk try to kill you all.

Destined: Your descendants will hold you in esteem, and you may command them as hirelings.

Conventicle: Those you travel with will not be noticed doing any of the following at night: going to the house of a huguenot, singing or praying loudly, posting seditious notices and pamphlets, gathering weapons, going to a brothel or tavern, starting fires.

Revered: On horseback, you may go faster than any military force, so long as there is a military force to go faster than.

Demonstrate: Against a Catholic, you may humiliate him instead of killing. This provokes morale from whatever group he is a part of:

• The first time
• When you humiliate a military leader
• When you humiliate a cleric
• When you humiliate a quarter of the group
• When you humiliate half the group

If they fail morale, they lose faith that this is the will of God and disperse. If this happens, each Catholic you humiliated loses half their sway (if they have any) and swears enmity against all Huguenots and you specifically. If their group does not lose morale because of humiliation, they instead go home slightly embarassed and unlikely to bother you again.

 

 

Falling Star

Hearts respond to myths we see
Spring from our soul
Amidst the din of history
Glories of balder and pan
That promise whole
Our dreamings of that shining thee

Mages wander from the fables
and the stars
Pan's sons have heard now heaven's Song
Myth descended to the stable
From afar
Among the stains of history's wrong

From everlasting, all our souls had hoped and dreamed
Seeking our gods with our blind hearts that groped and seemed
But He has come to act out all our tales redeemed
Oh may thy kingdom come
Oh may thy will be done

(Merry Christmas!)

Star-Crossed Lovers (How to Win the Dawn War)

As the party are travelling through any temperate part of the world, they hear a cry from a nearby hamlet. A woman runs screaming into the night. Her husband has turned into a monster.

The woman is Lissia, and what was once her husband is Huon. They are poor farmers, and their marriage was never happy. Huon was strict and demanding, and Lissia tries to remember how he used to be when they were young. She saw a shooting star last night, more immense and bright than she had ever seen, and even heard the crash.

The thing that was once her husband is stretched and lean. Chaotic black horns grow from its head, branching and knotting and kinking, covered in a bloody velvet. Its face is a mask of fractured and chitin-like bone, and its eyes glow with a weird light, like fungal gold. Two fingers on each hand have shriveled so that a triple claw is all that is left. If it is given a few minutes, it shall learn how to speak.

(Looking on it prompts a save (or Attack vs. Will) or take 2d6 psychic damage as alien thoughts worm their way into your mind from the newly grown symbols that are its mulitations)

It is, it will tell you, the star that fell. It wants... something. A pleasure unheard of in his far home. It can't go back, now. Earth is for fools and exiles. It meant to come in secret, but it has already been discovered. This man felt close, close to what it knew, what it wanted. So it took him. He took him. He did not mean to change him.

(If you ask him his name, he will not want to tell you. If you insist, he will let out a dread keening which calls to mind images of a burning theater, mushrooms growing in your stomach, and a deep red. Another save vs. 2d6 psychic damage.)

The star is the spawn of Gibbeth and Hadar, a prince of the dreadful parody of the world that is Dim Carcosa. Its main body is out in the woods, and very dangerous to look upon. It glows with the same feverish light as the creature's eyes, and causes the plants to grow quickly and strange, some leaves and flowers flapping away with a fairy-dusting of spores. Its consciousness has all but left it, overshadowing the spirit of Huon, enveloping and slowly digesting it like an amoeba. The spirit will be gone before sunrise.

Angels saw the falling of the star and are on their way to destroy it. They do not know about Huon yet. If the party makes use of the Cerulean Sign, the consciousness of the star will leave Huon and return to its main body. If its main body is destroyed, and its consciousness is exorcised, it will leave the world altogether (and then Gibbeth will eat it for being a disgusting pervert). If he is exorcised, the mutations Huon received will be reduced, but will still greatly disfigure him, and his spirit will be left in a pathetic state (though, he may be healed by divine intervention). Lissia will not leave him. They will probably live happily ever after, with the power dynamic significantly shifted.

If the star is not exorcised, something else will happen.

He will fall in love.

The memory of love left under all of Huon's superiority and meanness will grab hold of him. Humanity, as it turns out, is as alien, and as infectious, to the stars as any of their thoughts are to us. Huon (as he will, eventually, ask to be called) will fall in love with Lissia. What happens from there is so up to the players that I can hardly write about it. I will say, however, that it is not impossible for Lissia to love the Star-Huon (which, perhaps, says something a little worse about her than her modest peasant appearance suggests), and there are two or three gods who might take pity on their plight. But that is another story.

Counterspells, Magic Detection, and Dispelling

To be used as houserules or alternate class features

This one has been sitting in my drafts for a while. It is unfinished but I'm putting it out anyways because I likely won't finish it, and it might inspire someone.

Counterspells

'Counterspell' is not a spell in itself. It is a category of procedures applied to any given spell to make the spell simply not work. These can range from casting the opposite spell (Shatter vs. Mending, Fire vs. Water), to simply distraction (mundane or arcane), to stealing the energy of the spell. When a wizard or magically adept character sees a spell being cast, they can attempt a counterspell. Roll a contested check: on the countering side, d20+[Caster level]+[Spellcasting Score]; on the casting side, d20+[Caster level]+[Spellcasting Score]+[Spell Level]. The countering magician may use a spell to increase their bonus, adding the spell's level to the roll (or double the spells level for an opposite spell).

If the Caster wins, the spell prevails, and the counterspell possibly has a mishap. If the Counterer wins, they may consult the following table and choose one option in accordance with the difference in the rolls.

Difference	Effect
1	Deflect: The spell changes direction just before it reaches the target, up to 90 degrees
	Enfeeble: The spell falters, only producing half the effect
3	Distract: The caster makes a concentration check. If they fail, the spell wild-surges, explodes, mishaps, or dooms
	Rewind: The spell is returned to the caster, and any spell used to counter is also returned.
	Shatter: The spell splinters, dealing [spell level]d6 or [spell level] damage to its target
5	Negate: The spell does not work
	Awry: The spell has a different (but not opposite) effect. Fireball may become wind-ray, cure wounds becomes cured meats, etc.
7	Siphon*: The counterer absorbs the spell's energy, which may be stored in magic items or as spell slots
	Reverse: The spells effect reverses completely. Fireball becomes water-pseudosphere, cure wounds becomes cause wounds, etc.
	Reflect: The spell now targets the caster (or a random creature if it already targeted the caster)
9	Explode*: Choose a point on the spell's original trajectory. The spell explodes at that point, dealing [spell level]d6 damage in a [spell level]*5 ft. radius
	Doom*: The spell triggers a doom in the caster, or causes the worst possible mishap or wild magic surge.
11	Seal*: The caster can no longer cast magic for [spell level] (roll d[spell level]: 1. seconds 2. minutes 3. hours 4. days 5. weeks 6. months 7. years 8. decades 9. permanent)
	Steal*: The counterer learns the spell and the caster forgets the spell. As well, the counterer gains a temporary spell slot of the spell level.
	Unravel*: A wild-magic or null-magic zone is created around the caster
13	Death*: The caster is killed
	Magician's folly*: The caster is effected by a permanent effect, transfiguration, enchantment, or curse of the the counterer's choice, subject to DM discussion.

* these options also negate the spell

Magic Detection

Magic detection is, of course, not a spell either. Rather, it is a suite of tools, lore, mathematics, neuroses, and mutations that allow wizards to perceive the structure of spells, supernatural influences, and invisible creatures.

A knack will here mean a supernatural mutation, mnemonic device, or neurosis which may aid in detecting magic. A bauble is a physical tool such as a lens, crystal, or fetish which helps one do the same. Certain divination spells may also assist. Familiars may also help.

Knacks and Baubles have certain intended targets (e.g. fairy magic, divine magic, fire magic, etc.). Both have a 1 in 2 chance of positively identifying influences of that type, a 2 in 6 chance of positively identifying neutral magic, and a 1 in 4 chance of correctly detecting magic of a very different type. As well, both have a 1 in 6 false positive chance. Divination spells have a flat chance (1 in 4 for cantrips, 2 in 6 for 1-4 lvl, 1 in 2 for 5-7, 4 in 6 for 8-9. 1 in 10 false positive for cantrip-4th lvl, 1 in 20 for 5-9).

Knacks may be used quickly (in 1 round), but the use of a knack deals 1 wisdom damage and prompts a save vs. wizard eyes. Baubles take 1d6 rounds to find, set up, and use, but do not have any ill effects. Divination spells of course take a spell slot. Multiple tools may be used in succession, and this is recommended.

[Example: Algol the Hidden has 2 baubles and 1 knack: A quartz orb (detects wizardry), a sorcerer's mask (detects spirits), and a third eye (detects dark magic). While travelling, they encounters a man they suspect is a werewolf (he, in fact, is). They first examine with the mask (werewolves are acceptably close to spirits, 2 in 6). They looks through their mask and sees a fearsome, if ethereal, wolf form over the man! Or wait, maybe that's a trick of the light, or simply a wolf spirit, since it soon passes (in fact, it was a false positive and has no bearing on the man's nature). 

Algol, now unsure, looks through their quartz orb (werewolves are very different than wizards, 1 in 4). Nothing comes of this. Maybe he isn't a werewolf? Greatly concerned, Algol peers with their third eye (a discussion of whether werewolves are dark magic ensues. It is decided they are. Also, Algol suffers 1 Wis damage and makes their save for Wizard Eyes). Algol sees the stain of death on his teeth and the wicked claws of his true form! They were right! After a small skirmish, the man is justly imprisoned.]

Wizards begin with 2 baubles and 1 knack. Sorcerers and Warlocks begin with 2 knacks and 1 bauble. Knacks may be gained from magical deals, maddening texts, and certain potions. Baubles may be purchased from other wizards, crafted with special ingredients, or stolen. Some baubles may be used by mundane characters.

Some Baubles

1. Erratic Clock (Chronomancy)
2. Magician's Pendulum (Magic Items)
3. True Quicksilver (Necromancy)
4. Otherworldly Ring (Planar)
5. Elemental Barometer (Elemental)
6. Scope of Many Lenses (Wizardry)
7. Shamble (Witchcraft)
8. Phantasmagoric lantern (Illusion)

Dispelling

Technically, dispel magic is a spell. The spell is a brute force form of a more general principle: spells may be disrupted by altering the delicate but mundanely untouchable structure of a spell. This is easier and more graceful if the dispeller knows the workings and nature of a spell (found by magic detection or guessing)